You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
