The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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