you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My vagina just recognized that song.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
