im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
