Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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