Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
