just come out here and I will go home with you...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
