are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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