grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
