Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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