This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
