we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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