Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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