I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
