make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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