Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
