yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
