Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
