i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
