We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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