Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
