New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
