We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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