i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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