3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
