LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
