so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
