I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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