i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
