The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
