So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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