Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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