News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
