Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
