mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
