How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
