i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
