i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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