I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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