Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
