So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
