just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I fill condoms, not promises.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
