you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
