So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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