i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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