I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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