you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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