I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
