she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
