too bad you live with your parents still
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
