dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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