yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
