You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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