you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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