I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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