Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
