My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
