I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
