I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
