I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
