I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
im on a boat
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