do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
