Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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