One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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