how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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