dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
