Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
