I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
