After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
