i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My bed smells like the plague
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