someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
