Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I party with great urgency now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
