I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.