fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?