College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus