Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sorry about my life...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend