I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends