absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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