Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night