he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
