I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
