I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
