the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
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