sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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