I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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