Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
