just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
