I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
